George Burgess

George Burgess was a writer of indifferent ability whose primary claim to fame was as the putative biographer of Archimedes and Pythagoras Vavasor. However, he died before the project was complete and the current whereabouts of the unfinished manuscript are uncertain.

In actual fact, the manuscript was almost certainly destroyed in the briefcase explosion that concluded Tom Winscombe's successful bid to free Dorothy Chan from the Gretzky gang.

Burgess's demise was unusual in that he was stabbed through the neck with a mathematician's compass.

He was in fact murdered by Rufus Fairbanks during a botched attempt to steal the Vavasor papers.

Writing Career

Burgess first became known as the caption writer for Farm Girls Illustrated, possibly the only top shelf magazine that also offered in-depth advice on what to do with a bent crankshaft on a Massey 35^{[citation needed]}. From there, he progressed to feature writing, following which he was given the job of providing a more contemporary translation of The Harmonious Bower of the Nawab of Ouenq, a legendary and deeply problematic work of early Victorian pornography.

The sequence of lawsuits that followed publication of Burgess's translation ensured that he remained virtually unemployable for several years after this, although he was eventually saved by the intervention of "Chicken Jim" Feltch, a pig farmer from Westonzoyland. It turned out that Feltch had fond memories of Burgess's work in Farm Girls Illustrated, and was looking for a vehicle in which to invest the funds from the sale of his lower field. As it happened, Burgess had been toying with a particular long-cherished project but had all but given up any hope of implementing it.

List of Known Works

As translator

• The Harmonious Bower of the Nawab of Ouenq

As author

• Farm Girls Illustrated Annual Compendium, vols 116-119