George Wickham

The only known depiction of George Wickham, believed to be drawn from life by the celebrated artist Mr Macapple Gimp, RA

George Elvis deLonghi  Wickham (7 August  – 23 February ) was a noted English alien hunter. He was briefly associated with the author Jane Austen, although their relationship ended in some acrimony, resulting in the unflattering portrayal of him in her controversial novel Pride and Prejudice. Very little other information about Wickham is in the public domain. He is rumoured to have made over a thousand kills^{[citation needed]} and was awarded the Order of the , the highest accolade for bravery in the face of tentacles. He was fluent in French, Prussian and kk'Ekk.

Early career

Wickham    Peninsular War. This brought him to the attention of Colonel , who asked him to join his team at the Ministry for Unusual Affairs. His first assignment was to    .     dressed as a puffin     without his trousers. Following the success of this mission, Wickham was ,        in order to protect Lydia Bennet. However,    and   ;   vanished without further trace.

The first alien war

Whilst searching for Lydia,      in Whitechapel.     Annie Chapman     "Prussian style"    in a back passage off Pox Lane.      Reverend William Smallpiece Collins,    mission for fallen women     Lady Catherine de Bourgh. The unfortunate consequence of this was that  , ,  and Mrs Elizabeth Darcy    ^{[citation needed]}.

After rescuing        Midsummer Ball   ! Fortunately, no-one was injured in the incident, although       studded leather codpiece. In the ensuing confusion, Wickham       trussed up like a chicken. Accompanied by Sir Humphrey Davy, Wickham was now able to         shaped like a herring, and       burnt to the ground.

As a result of this success, Wickham was promoted to  and given command of the .

The second alien war

No information on Wickham's involvement is currently available.

Later life

In later life, Wickham retired to the country, where he lived out his years in peaceful contemplation, accompanied by , his faithful .