Tom Winscombe

Thomas (Tom) Winscombe is an under-achieving junior PR executive with a remarkable tendency to get into trouble, but blessed with an equally remarkable ability to get himself out of it. He means well, however, and those who have encountered him have described him as being a bit like Paddington Bear but with less fur^{[citation needed]}. His life changed completely the day he encountered George Burgess on the train home, setting in motion a sequence of events that has yet to be fully resolved.

Early Life

Winscombe was educated at St Mildred's Comprehensive (now St Mildred's Shiny Academy for the Arts and Sciences, part of the Very Shiny Group plc) in the outskirts of Bristol, where he first encountered Dorothy Chan, with whom he had an on-off (in fact, almost entirely off) relationship in their sixth form years, although he found her obsession with the deaths of the Vavasor twins somewhat morbid and troubling. On leaving school, they went their separate ways, Chan to Bristol University to study Mathematics and Winscombe to Keele to study Business Management and Media.

Music Blogging

Winscombe's main ambition in life was to become a rock journalist. He did not succeed in this in any tangible sense, although his (now deleted) blog, in which he signed himself as arsebiscuits89 was of occasional interest to its small group of followers. An incomplete list of bands reviewed follows:

• Henry's Dog
• The Reluctant Fluffers
• Rectal Polyp
• Martin Amis
• Jason Firkin's Guffbucket
• The Original Guffbucket
• The Syphilitics
• Mantra Mantra and the Mantras
• Sven Sisters
• Las Palomas de Fuego del Infierno
• Spandex Fever Dream
• Simon

Public Relations Career

Having failed completely to make any impression on the music business, Winscombe decided to try Public Relations and ended up working for mKG.Q*, where he was assigned to the company's burgeoning meat portfolio. An incomplete list of his clients follows:

• Northern Soul Pies
• World of Lard
• Patsy's Pasties
• Pork on a Stick
• Gutbuster Burgers
• Admiral Akhbar's Tandoori Cantina
• Benisons

It was, of course, Winscombe's bust-up with Benny Olafson of Benisons that led to him being dismissed from mKG.Q*. In the absence of any alternatives, Winscombe is now working for Dorothy Chan's company Dot Chan.

Relationships

Winscombe shared a flat in Bristol with Lucy Loveridge, a paediatric nurse, for a number of years.

However, the sequence of events commencing with Winscombe's dismissal from mKG.Q* up to and including the destruction of Loveridge's beloved Nissan Micra convinced Loveridge that Winscombe was not in fact The One, and she terminated the relationship in favour of Arkady Morozov, her Belarusian Zumba teacher. Winscombe is now, to the amazement of both parties involved, in a relationship with Dorothy Chan. Following Morozov's accidental involvement in the explosion that killed several members of the Gretzky gang and his subsequent disappearance, Loveridge is now in a steady relationship with Piers Handforth, a junior proctologist.