Tulpencoin Inc

Tulpencoin Inc's Corporate Logo

Tulpencoin Inc is a technology corporation specialising in the development and promulgation of the Tulpencoin series of cryptocurrencies.

Corporate Structure

It promotes itself as a truly modern virtual organisation, in that the location of its headquarters - and indeed any of its facilities - is a closely-guarded secret, although they are strongly rumoured to be offshore. Quite literally. It emerges from time to time into the public eye in order to promote one of its products, but tends not to stay very long before disappearing back into the shadows.

In fact, the entire Tulpencoin operation was based on the artificial island of Channellia, before it sank into the Bristol Channel.

Little is known of its organisational structure. Its Chief Technical Officer, Tiger de Montfort, has never given any interviews to the press and his only known public appearance was at the launch of the Tulpencoin Super Plus initial coin offering. The rest of the board are largely anonymous, although the libertarian philosopher Kevin Wilberts is known to be associated with the company.

As is The Hon Sholto Chelford-Bickerton, the seigneur of Channellia.

Tulpencoin

The original Tulpencoin was styled as the world's first semistablecoin. Rather than being pegged to the US dollar, like other stablecoins, Tulpencoin was pegged to a basket of the world's weakest and most volatile currencies. According to the prospectus, this meant that the long-term risk for Tulpencoin Inc was considerably reduced, which meant in turn that because Tulpencoin Inc was less likely to go under, there was a reduced risk for the investors.

However, according to crypto-sceptic Gerard David, the author of the definitive cryptocurrency study Christ, What a Load of Horseshit!, this strategy was about as effective as

a dead galah's jockstrap.^{[citation needed]}

Inevitably, it turned out that the Tulpencoin became one of the world's most unstable coins, making it a uniquely disastrous investment. It wasn't that great for Tulpencoin Inc, either.

It was actually far worse than this, as the whole operation was in fact a front for a trojan horse that stole crypto wallets from its investors, which more than made up for the losses incurred in keeping the currency afloat. However, this part of the operation at least came to an end when Channellia sank.

Tulpencoin Plus

The Tulpencoin Plus product was an attempt to address some of the failings in the original Tulpencoin offering by including US dollars in the basket. For a month or two following the ICO, it did indeed seem that this was a much more stable product - as, in fact, the original Tulpencoin had also become. However, persistent rumours that the two currencies were being printed purely for the purpose of propping each other up put paid to this brief period of stability, and both of them reverted to roller-coaster mode shortly afterwards.

Tulpencoin Super Plus

The Tulpencoin Super Plus product was another year in the making and was supposedly the result of many man-hours of effort at financial engineering. The description given in the ICO prospectus was enticing, albeit lacking in any detail whatsoever. In the event, no further elucidation was ever given, as Tulpencoin Inc ceased trading not long after the launch.