Difference between revisions of "Advice re Elephants"
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To be precise, it was an | To be precise, it was an | ||
African elephant. I knew this | African elephant. I knew this | ||
| − | because of the ears. | + | because of the ears.}} |
| − | I asked her what we were going | + | {{quote|I asked her what we were going |
to do about it, and the answer | to do about it, and the answer | ||
was along the lines of | was along the lines of | ||
just get rid of the fucking thing | just get rid of the fucking thing | ||
before it dumps any more shit | before it dumps any more shit | ||
| − | on the carpet. | + | on the carpet.}} |
| − | So I did what any man would do | + | {{quote|So I did what any man would do |
and Googled. This was the advice that | and Googled. This was the advice that | ||
I was given when I asked for | I was given when I asked for | ||
suggestions as to what to do about | suggestions as to what to do about | ||
| − | an elephant in the room: | + | an elephant in the room:}} |
| − | Take a deep breath and climb | + | {{quote|Take a deep breath and climb |
aboard. Speak reassuring words | aboard. Speak reassuring words | ||
into its ear and then urge it | into its ear and then urge it | ||
| − | to charge | + | to charge}} |
| − | through the walls onto the plain, | + | {{quote|through the walls onto the plain, |
then ride it to the water hole | then ride it to the water hole | ||
and lie down and watch the sunset | and lie down and watch the sunset | ||
| − | amid the warthogs and baboons | + | amid the warthogs and baboons}} |
| − | and when the sky is dark, | + | {{quote|and when the sky is dark, |
make wild animalistic love | make wild animalistic love | ||
to that woman next to you | to that woman next to you | ||
(remember her?) and then | (remember her?) and then | ||
fall asleep together | fall asleep together | ||
| − | beneath the twinkling stars. | + | beneath the twinkling stars.}} |
| − | As we breakfasted next day | + | {{quote|As we breakfasted next day |
in the ruins of our cottage, | in the ruins of our cottage, | ||
I reflected that the advice | I reflected that the advice | ||
you find on the Internet | you find on the Internet | ||
is often quite surprising.}} | is often quite surprising.}} | ||
Revision as of 15:45, 19 June 2014
Inspiration
Advice re Elephants was originally written for was originally written for Round Nine of the 2010 Whittaker Prize, albeit in the poetry section. No prompt was used. It was given a score of 86/100 by the judge, Catherine Edmunds, putting it 11th out of 19 entrants. The judge commented that it "was hugely entertaining, if somewhat lacking in poetic devices", and that it "would work just as well as a prose piece." I took her advice.
Placings
Duly reworked as a short story, Advice re Elephants was shortlisted for the 2010 Seán Ó Faoláin Competition, judged by Tania Hershman.
Publications
After a small amount of editing to overcome a minor ambiguity, Advice re Elephants was published in Metazen on March 14th, 2011.
Performances
I've read this piece on many occasions, as it seems to work well as a live piece. The first time was at Sparks in Brighton on November 2nd, 2011.
Notes
This is another of those pieces, like Frogs, where I've taken a metaphor and treated it as if it was real, to see where the logic of that took me. It can be quite a fruitful line of enquiry.
This is what the original poem looked like, by the way:
There was no mistaking it. Anelephant had parked itself in our living space. To be precise, it was an African elephant. I knew this because of the ears.
I asked her what we were goingto do about it, and the answer was along the lines of just get rid of the fucking thing before it dumps any more shit on the carpet.
So I did what any man would doand Googled. This was the advice that I was given when I asked for suggestions as to what to do about an elephant in the room:
Take a deep breath and climbaboard. Speak reassuring words into its ear and then urge it to charge
through the walls onto the plain,then ride it to the water hole and lie down and watch the sunset amid the warthogs and baboons
and when the sky is dark,make wild animalistic love to that woman next to you (remember her?) and then fall asleep together beneath the twinkling stars.
As we breakfasted next dayin the ruins of our cottage, I reflected that the advice you find on the Internet is often quite surprising.
